I’ve had my rebellious high school moments, I had mere tastes of living on the edge, getting into trouble with the excuse of

“These are memories to tell my kids.” or

“We’ll look back and laugh.” which yeah, don’t get me wrong that living the fast life is pretty darn hilarious…

But I guess I’ve had enough. Even with the ability to control myself, it still sidetracks me from everything that is right.

Slowly am I learning that high school is definitely not the time to eff around when I have my whole career ahead of me. 

Work hard, play later.

I found the courage to finally leave you in the past. And it saddens me that I didn’t do so sooner. I thought that holding on to a part of you would show that my feelings were real. I assumed that you had to know that I was real with you the whole time as if it would change something but I know now that I never needed to prove anything, because I know it was real and God knows it was real and that’s that.

Go ahead and stress over issues of the past, turn those heads and whisper as I walk by. I’ll do my thing, excel, achieve greatness while you can keep talking.

I miss having deep talks about life and shit out of the blue with a friend - just a friend.

And after that talk about your past, family problems, relationships and what not, you and the other person suddenly get connected and have this close bond.

It’s not a lovey dovey type of bond, but like a genuine friend kind of bond.

I know we’re both happy in our own seperate worlds

but uhm, I was just wondering if I’m allowed to miss you from time to time.

Hm?

Is it sad that I don’t have anybody around to be real with?

I have no close friends or people who know everything about me. I sort of miss that company of a genuine friend.

I lost a lot but I gained a lot too. I gained wisdom. Too bad wisdom doesn’t assure lonliness.

All I have is music and my family. At least those are the two best things I can be blessed with.

There’s always that one friend who’s not with your little group of friends at school everyday and nobody really notices.

…I’m that person.

I’m coming to the point in high school where you have a lot of friends but no close friends.

The sad thing is that I’m beginning to not care.

I mean after high school is college right? And that’s where the socialite in ones’ self completely comes out.

You meet tons of new people and possible obtain the love of your life. (which is why I wanna be single until college)

Bleh, group hopping makes me feel like a loser.

Nobody knows the REAL me, my full personality and what not.

S’all good though, it’s just high school.

Despite the remarks I make about loving the single life, I still have feelings (deep deep down, very hard to find).

Sometimes I need a little company at night, it gets lonely after awhile of independence and not having to rely on other people.

Don’t get me wrong, I love doing things on my own

but I just need some motivation, someone to keep me going.

Meh.

I’ve grown accustomed to being alone. I enjoy working things out, putting things together, figuring out things on my own. It’s not that humans aren’t my thing, but before I’d used to rely on company to keep me occupied and/or entertained. Now I’m learning to do me and to focus on the things I like to do and the things I have a heart for without anyone holding me back.

I mean who needs someone to tell you what’s good/bad for you when you can figure it out for yourself and get a lesson from it? No one wants to have that risk of being prevented from things they want to do. Whether it may be big or small.

If I could somehow keep this up for the next few years, I will be very successful with myself.

(Or maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better…oh well, fck et~)

(Source: averyantonio)

(No sarcasm.)

Continue what you do to me. Keep unintentionally hurting me, continue to live like I don’t exist. Push me away even more please. Be brutal with me. Say all these hurtful words and I promise I’ll turn away.

If you don’t then I’ll just run back to you eventually.